Sunday, April 10, 2011

Dear musicians who do not practice,

Foul sounds emit from your instrument and you wonder why, incompetent fool who doesn’t practice! Your facial expressions seem to scrutinize your own work yet you continue to wonder why you cannot keep up with the tempo, why your fingers do not know the correct positions and why your ear cannot hear the correct pitches. Do you not have the discipline to lock yourself in a practice room for even one measly hour a week to work through difficult passages? Do you not have the patience for a metronome to beat out your rhythms and subdivide, something you clearly are lacking the ability to do on your own?

For heaven’s sake, consider the ears which are your audience! Spare them the horrendous squeaks and atonal sounds you call melodies. Not only is your lack of musicality on display, but your lack of any sort of talent what-so-ever. If not for the contentment of your audience, why do you not practice for yourself? Does it not embarrass and disturb you to struggle through every musical rehearsal? Or, fool as you are, do you simply not realize your idiocy?

You wish to become a performer? How I do laugh. Not only will your lack of motivation to practice keep you from this goal, but it will seep into every aspect of your life. Your unwillingness to commit to self-discipline and hard work will hinder any success in your future until you change your ways, you lazy fool!

If you shall not change your ways through effective practicing, it would be advised that you simply stop playing and cease your assault of our ears.